From someone who used to hate them!
Confession time friends: I used to HATE affirmations.
They made no sense to me. How was a cute little phrase supposed to help me turn my life around or feel better about myself? It’s not like anyone actually believes those corny cookie cutter sentiments, right? At best they sound like cheesy greeting cards. At worst, they sound like outright lies.
I went on like this for a long time, hating affirmations and not knowing how to use them. And I was putting myself at a distinct disadvantage! (My primary love language is words of affirmation!)
The struggle came from the fact not that affirmations suck, but that I was doing them wrong.
I think a lot of people look at affirmations the same way I used to: you pull up a google or a pinterest search looking for the exact right combination of words that are going to make you feel better, and then get frustrated when nothing changes.
Everything changed for me when I learned how to really dig into the affirmations I wanted to apply to my life. To figure out where my most limiting beliefs were coming from, and then craft my own affirmations to directly counter them. This is -frankly- a lot more work than a quick google search, but instead of a trite, one-size-fits-all happy sentiment, you end up with a powerful statement that you created exactly for your needs and you can work with until it becomes a belief.
Sound good? Let’s go.
Step 1: Write Down All Your Messy Thoughts
Grab your favorite notebook or journal (or your laptop or notes app if you’re not into writing by hand) and get all your messy thoughts down on paper. Whatever issue or feeling or belief you’re hoping to build an affirmation for, you need to get real specific about what it is first. So think about your most limiting beliefs, and write down every single thought or emotion you have about them. No matter how ridiculous they feel, no matter how cringy they are, or how deep and dark. Get it all, the good bad and ugly, down in writing.
Try to spend at least twenty minutes doing this, to make sure you uncover all the layers. I don’t know about you but I’m VERY good at hiding the real problems under several smaller problems in a trench coat so that I don’t have to deal with the real one. Make sure you find the real one.
When you’re done writing, reread everything you put down and see if you have some common themes. Whatever comes through the strongest is going to be the idea you dig in on in the next step. If you end up with more than one, don’t worry. You can always repeat the next steps with other beliefs as many times as you need.
Step 2: Go Digging
Once you’ve identified the belief from your freewriting that you want to focus on, it’s time to go digging. Look hard at this belief and see if you can figure out where it came from.
Who taught you this belief? What experiences made you latch on to it this hard? What happened that made you accept this so fully as true?
This step of the process can be messy and uncomfortable, so make sure to take good care of yourself while you do it. But this step helps so much when crafting that helpful affirmation. If you understand not only what your limiting belief is, but also how it came to be in your life, you have all the information you need to grab it at the base and pull it up, roots and all. And that’s what we’re going to do in the next step.
Step 3: Challenge That Belief
Take that ugly limiting belief and put it on trial. Put it on a witness stand and make it prove that it’s true.
Because guess what friend. Even our most limiting beliefs are not going to be 100% true 100% of the time.
Go sifting through your experiences, your emotions, your memories, and hunt down every moment you can find where those nasty limiting thoughts are absolutely not true. They’re there babe. Promise.
Find the counterargument that rips your limiting belief to shreds. If you’re trying to counter feelings of unworthiness, list out every moment where your friends have ever made you feel valuable. If you’re worried you’ll never be successful, find every last accomplishment you’ve ever had and hold them to your chest. If you’re trying not to dwell on a mistake, hunt down all the moments where you’ve already acted in the opposite way.
Tear that limiting belief to shreds.
Step 4: Create an Affirmation that Works!
I swear most affirmations don’t work because everyone wants to skip to this step. An affirmation that you just pull out of thin air (or out of a google search) is always going to feel unbelievable because it’s just a set of words.
But with all the work you just did: identifying your struggle, it’s source, and ALL THE REASONS IT’S NOT EVEN TRUE, you’re ready to create a powerful fucking affirmation that actually works. You know exactly what you’re trying to fix, and you know exactly how strong you already are.
Now get out your pen (or your notes app) again, and try drafting an affirmation. There’s no real rules here, but a few good guidelines are to keep it as concise as possible, and to frame it in the positive, not the negative. (“I am” works better in an affirmation than “I am not.”)
Look at those words and imagine what your life would look like if you really truly believed what was written down. If the resulting mental image isn’t quite right, adjust the wording and try again. Edit ruthlessly until the words, and the corresponding image, is exactly what you want it to be.
Some of my favorite affirmations have come out of this process. “All my successes are repeatable” is one that I use a lot. So is “I grow rich to nurture myself and my loves.”
But these are mine. You can steal them if you want, but the ones you create for yourself will be the most powerful.
So get writing. Explore your feelings and find exactly what you need. Craft a statement that feels like everything you want out of life.
Step 5: Spread it Like Wildfire
Write it in your journal. Write it down and post it on your bathroom mirror. Set it as your phone background. Make it so that you see and read this phrase a minimum of once a day.
Say it to yourself whenever you need reminding.
Affirmations only work when you use them. The more you use it, the more it will sink in. And before you know it, you’ll have rewritten your limiting beliefs with a powerful affirmation that you actually believe.
You got this babe. Good luck.
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Love and Shenanigans,
Andi
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